Calming Our Anger

Anger is an emotion we all experience. It can come about through a situation that annoys us, inconveniences us and spills out when just one more thing is added to a whole list of things stressing us out. Anger is actually considered a secondary emotion because it is what we feel in response to a variety of other emotions. It can be because we feel afraid, disrespected, worried, pressured or even a combination of emotions.

Since becoming a mother of two young children I have experienced a wide variety of emotions, some more deeply than ever before. Some emotions I expected, like worry, deep love and happiness. What I didn’t expect was the level of anger I could feel. The sleep deprivation, constant stress, and non-stop spinning that come with children led to a lot of frustration that spilled out on my husband, kids and pet. Like we all experience, the stress started building and I was struggling to manage it.

I found myself getting angry a lot more than I anticipated, and feeling regret each time, knowing they did not deserve it. I had never seen myself as an angry person and did not like the version of me I had become. But my circumstances were creating a perfect storm for my anger to get the best of me. I started assuming ill intent in my family’s words and actions. Little things would set me off. I didn’t want to be frustrated all the time, but I also couldn’t stop it with any of the things I had tried to calm my stress. 

I knew that the anger was being destructive to my life and relationships. Romans 12:21 says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” And I knew if I didn’t do something, my marriage would continue to feel the impact. I wanted to do better and be better for my family. One day I was reminded of a quote that I had seen years ago: “Sometimes God doesn’t change your circumstances because He is trying to change your heart”. I realized that to stop letting my anger take over, I had to redirect my eyes to Him.

Knowing I needed to get back into God’s word, I got a new devotional to help me focus on my daily walk with the Lord. I asked Him to soften my heart and restore my marriage so that it could bring Him glory. With all the stress and anger, that relationship had suffered more than I wanted to admit. But I also knew my relationship with God had to come first. Proverbs 3:6 says, “in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”.

After taking some time to focus on my relationship with God, my heart softened. My patience increased and I was able to start giving love and grace to my family in times of frustration, instead of lashing out in anger. I started seeing more opportunities to love and serve them as we are called to do with everyone around us. 

I will not say it is always easy. Each day is its own battle for my heart and attention. We must spend time daily in the Word. If you are struggling with anger and it is impacting those around you, pray for God to restore your relationships and soften your heart; giving you a godly perspective. He can open your eyes so you can give grace to those around you. Those frustrating moments of daily life can then become opportunities to share grace and love to those around you.